Atl_InsultingEnemies1

Word Count: 2,729
Rating: PG13
Category: Angst. Crossover with SG1.
Story Status: Completed
Summary: McKay's in trouble and needs SG1's help

Author's Notes: This story is set in SG1’s Season 8, after O’Neill takes command of SGC but before the location of Atlantis is discovered (before Rising). I don’t know how long between these episodes actually occurred, or when McKay went to Antarctica, so this is just conjecture. If the timing is out, as I have a feeling it might be, then please consider it to be slightly AU.

Beta: Thank you to Jayne Perry for the beta-reading.

Insulting Your Enemies
By Leesa Perrie

The newly appointed Brigadier General Jack O’Neill of the US Air Force was sitting at his desk in his office inside the Cheyenne Mountain complex, supposedly reading reports, but in fact making paper airplanes and shooting them at his trashcan. There was an amused sound from his door, and he turned to see the newly appointed Lieutenant Colonel Samantha Carter in the doorway.

“Sorry, sir, didn’t know you were busy…filing.”

“Oh, ha, ha. Haven’t you heard of knocking?”

“The door was open, sir.” A serious expression returned to her face. “I have received an interesting email,” she said, placing a print out of said email onto Jack’s desk.

He picked it up and read it:

So, Hot But Not Dumb Blonde

Surely someone has realised that I’m missing by now? Oh, wait, perhaps not. I was on a forced vacation between assignments. So the Air Force most likely hasn’t realised it’s down one astrophysicist yet.

One astrophysicist who is stuck in a cell in a house thanks to moronic rogue NID agents. Well, not at present. At present I’m stuck in a room with goon number one lounging in the corner, thinking I’m hacking into the SGC’s mainframe.

Fortunately, goon number one is particularly dense, and really not paying attention to anything I’m doing. Thinks I’m too scared to misbehave. Idiot. I’ve told my captors that it will take me a few days to hack into the computer. As if. But still, as I said, they’re a bunch of morons, who can’t tell that I’m lying. Which, I have to admit, is something I generally suck at, so it just goes to show the level of stupidity I’m surrounded by.

And no, I don’t know where this house is. But goon number two let slip in my presence that a Goa’uld had been held here once. One I believe O’Neill and that Maybourne guy dealt with, way back when Teal’c was trapped in the gate’s buffer. They’re idiots, I tell you, the lot of them! Anyway, should be easy for you to find me. I’m guessing they think you’d never look for them here. Makes a kind of sense, in a plebeian sort of way.

So a rescue would be nice. They have a few interesting trinkets here that I’m thinking they want me to look at, and get working for them. After hacking the SGC first. Probably not a good idea for me to do that. Or the hacking either. But goons number one and two have already introduced me to their fists once, and I’m really not looking forward to another session with them when the guys in charge figure out I’m not playing their game. They seem to have taken offence at my summation of their combined intellect.

Please, come and get me out of this den of stupid, witless and moronic goons.

Your Annoyed Canadian Astrophysicist.

P.S. They have Zats and aren’t afraid to use them, as I can vouch for myself. Nasty things, I’d rather not get hit with one of those again.

He raised an eyebrow.

“Hot Not Dumb Blonde?”

Carter looked both annoyed and slightly embarrassed.

“Yes, sir. I think in Dr McKay’s mind, that’s considered a compliment. It sounds like he’s in trouble. I checked with the Chief of Staff, and he has returned from Russia. Apparently he is awaiting re-assignment. I asked someone to check his apartment. We should be hearing back on that soon, hopefully we’ll have an idea of how long ago he was taken.”

“McKay. Isn’t he the one who gave us that deadline when Teal’c was trapped…”

“Yes, sir.”

“And made things worse when Anubis attacked the gate?”

“Yes, sir. But he did help to write the new subroutine that allowed you to send the gate into hyperspace, sir.”

“Pain in the ass, if I remember right. Arrogant son of a…”

“Sir.” Carter raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, okay, I’ll organise a strike team.”

“Thank you. I’d like to be a part of it.”

“Why? I thought you couldn’t stand the guy.”

“Well, I figure if he owes me for saving his sorry butt, it might make him easier to work with, should that happen again in the future.” Sam grinned.

“Fine. But you’re taking Teal’c and Daniel with you,” Jack answered. “Now get out, I need to organise things, and you need to get ready.”

“Yes, sir.”

----------------

The attack on the NID safe house turned out to be quite easy in the end. It was obvious they had been confident no one would look for them there, and so, although security was good, it was not as good as it could have been.

Armed with Zats, they had soon taken out most of the ‘goons’ as McKay had referred to them, and made it down to the cell room. Unfortunately, McKay wasn’t there, but a loud voice heard not too far away protesting his treatment soon clued them into the whereabouts of himself and the four guards dragging him out a secret passage.

Teal’c zatted one of the guards, as Sam zatted a second one. The corridor was too narrow for anyone else to enter and get a clear shot. As Sam turned to zat a third guard, the fourth pointed his Zat at McKay and shot him once. It was clear he was going for a second shot, but Teal’c was able to deflect that shot away from the unconscious astrophysicist, and then zat said guard.

The whole raid was all over within fifteen minutes.

Sam knelt next to McKay, checking his pulse, and realising that he seemed clammy and pale.

“I think he’s ill,” she said. “Someone get the medics here.”

One of the soldiers moved to do as she asked.

Teal’c and Jackson went to oversee the removal of the rogue NID operatives, whilst Sam kept an eye on McKay. She was glad to see the medics, and let the two of them take over.

“He was hit with a Zat, but I think it’s more than that. He said something in his email about having been beaten,” she told one of the medics.

“Thanks.”

She moved back whilst they examined him. As annoying and downright frustrating as the man was, she didn’t want him to die. Especially as she now had some leverage over him.

“Some bruising to the ribs, and a black eye. No sign of internal bleeding. Hmm, a bump on the back of the head.”

“He’s pale and clammy. Could be shock.”

“Okay, let’s get him on the gurney. We’ll know more back at the hospital.”

They moved him onto the gurney and headed out, with Carter following.

“How is he?” Daniel asked.

“I don’t know.” She sighed. “I’d better stay with him. He is so going to owe me for this.”

----------------

“Oh, this is so not fun,” groaned McKay, as he started to come round from the effects of the Zat. “Let’s not do this again.”

His head ached and he felt dizzy, so he closed his eyes again. He had made out enough that he was in a military hospital or infirmary. He hoped it was far, far away from the morons who had kidnapped him.

“So, Hot Not Dumb Blonde? Was that meant as a compliment, because I have to say, it leaves a lot to be desired.”

“Um.” He opened his eyes again to see an annoyed Samantha Carter looking down at him. “Just making sure you knew who the email was from.”

“Uh, huh, sure. By the way, you do realise I’ve just saved your ass, don’t you? And that means you’re in my debt.” She grinned wickedly. McKay groaned. “A thank you would be nice for a start.”

“Thank you,” he said, looking her sincerely. “I mean it. Thank you.”

“You need to thank Teal’c as well. The guard who shot you with the Zat was going for a second shot. Teal’c pushed him, sending the shot wide.”

“Oh crap,” McKay’s voice shot up an octave. “You mean, he was going to kill me?”

“Yes.”

“Oh crap. I didn’t sign on for this sort of thing.” He seemed to pull himself together a bit. “Oh, and, um, I guess I’d better thank him. And apologise for, you know, nearly getting him killed that time. I am sorry about that. I just…” He shrugged. “I’m not used to being wrong, and yet both times I’ve worked with you, I have been. I’m also not good at this, saying sorry and all that. Not really in my nature. But I am, sorry that he nearly died because I was wrong.”

“You sure you’re feeling alright, McKay?” Sam said. “You did get a bump on the head…”

“That explains the splitting headache,” he muttered.

“You also gave the medics a fright when your blood sugar dropped suddenly. Didn’t know you were hypoglycaemic.”

“Not many do, or else they think it’s just an excuse for needing regular food. But, other than the headache, I’m feeling fine. Just…just wishing my life was such that someone had noticed I was missing. I was right, wasn’t I? That no one knew before I managed to email you?”

“Yes. From what we can gather, you’d been missing nearly five days before the email.”

“Figures.” He scowled, winced and then sighed. “See, I’m no good at this friendship stuff. You know, if it had been me stuck in the gate buffer, I’d be dead. There’s no one going to go to the lengths that Jackson, O’Neill and you went to, not to save me. I mean, if you could have found a way, you’d have done it, just because that’s who you are. But I can’t see anyone hunting down a Goa’uld, or getting the Russians to lend their DHD, or even give the go ahead for something so dangerous, not for me.” He laughed, but it was a mirthless laugh, “and I knew no one would miss me until the enforced vacation was over. Even then, it might have been a few days before I was truly missed. That’s why they came after me, not you, or someone else like you. And what the hell was with that vacation anyway?”

“They weren’t expecting you to return when you did. I guess they needed some time to decide where you would best be employed next.”

“Oh, so it came as a shock when the Russians decided they could no longer put up with the McKay charm?” he said, rolling his eyes, causing him to wince again.

“Personally, I’m surprised the Russians put up with you for as long as they did,” Sam said. “You know, if you could be a little bit nicer to people…”

“Yes, yes, then maybe I wouldn’t be alone. Look, nice idea and all, but I am who and what I am.” He shrugged. “At least this way people are honest with me. They don’t pretend to care and then discard you when you’re no longer needed, or betray you.”

“They’re not friends, people who do that.”

“I know, but in that case I haven’t met anyone I could call a friend then.”

“And you’re not likely as long as you continue to push people away. And that’s what you’re doing, isn’t it, McKay? Pushing people away so that you won’t get hurt again.”

McKay narrowed his eyes at her in annoyance.

“Maybe I am, but it works,” he said defensively.

“Do you even know how to be a friend?”

“No. Well, in theory, yes. But it’s not like I’ve had any real practical experience. And I’m learning more and more that sometimes practical experience is better than theory alone.” He smiled grimly. “You’ve taught me that.”

“You mean, I’ve actually taught the great Dr Rodney McKay something?”

“Yes, amazingly, you have. You see, when I said I was jealous of you, it wasn’t just the science and the artistry thing, it was the friendship thing as well. I know I’ll never have what you have with SG1. I might be smarter, but I’ll never have that level of friendship, family even. And I’ll never be able to do what you do; to pull some insane plan out of thin air and make it work.”

“You never will if you don’t try. And I’m smarter than you, by the way.”

“Oh no, no, no, you might have more experience, but you’re not smarter. At least leave me that.” It was part arrogance, and part pleading.

“Don’t think we’ll ever agree on that.”

“Not very likely, is it? You know, you’d make a good friend, well, you already do, to your friends, I mean. I wish… well, it doesn’t matter what I wish…” he trailed off. “At least you don’t hate me, or at least I’m assuming that’s still the case. It’s better than most people.”

“McKay, you’re a pain in the ass, you know that, don’t you?”

“I think we’ve just been discussing it, yes.”

“You have to be the most annoying, irritating, frustrating and arrogant person I’ve ever met, and that’s saying something, but no, I don’t hate you. I’m not saying we’re building a friendship here, but if you want to keep in touch, that would be okay.” She then changed the subject hoping to cut off his reply. “So, do you have any idea where you’ll be assigned to next?”

“Probably back to Area 51. And you mean it, it would be okay if I kept in contact?”

“Yes, though I must be crazy. You don’t sound happy about going back to Area 51.”

“It’ll be better than Russia, not so cold for a start. Decent food. People speaking a language I can understand. Actually, it’s sounding better already. I’d rather be here, but…”

“But I’d kill you within a week. Long distance contact might be bearable. Working with you underfoot most of the time? No, I’d definitely snap.”

“Hmm. And I don’t think I’m exactly in General O’Neill’s good books. The whole Teal’c incident and that.”

“There is an alternative.”

“There is?”

“Well, Dr Weir is looking for a Chief Scientist for her team working at the Ancient outpost in Antarctica. Someone who knows about stargates, is familiar with Ancient technology, and has knowledge of naquadah generators, amongst other things.”

“Antarctica? Damn, and I thought Russia was cold. Just how much distance do you need from me?”

“Look, the outpost is really something, McKay. If it wasn’t for my commitments here, I’d be down there myself.”

“Hmm. Ancient technology?”

“Yes.”

“Chief Scientist?”

“Uh, huh.”

“You actually hate this Dr Weir enough to send me?” he asked suspiciously.

“No, actually, she’s gained my respect. I think she’ll be able to put up with you.” Sam grinned at him.

“Humph. It sounds cold, extremely cold actually, but interesting. Certainly more interesting than Area 51.”

“I’ll suggest you for the position, then. After letting her know what she’s in for, of course.”

“Oh, well, there goes that job opportunity…”

“If she can handle a jackass like Kinsey, she can handle you. In fact, I think he might have been even more annoying, irritating, frustrating and arrogant than you are.”

“Oh, so I’ve moved down your list of all time asses, then?”

“Yes.” She sighed. “By, oh, maybe one place.”

“Then maybe there’s hope for me yet.” He grinned.

“Get some rest, McKay,” Sam said, shaking her head and getting up to leave.

“See you later?” he asked hopefully.

“Later. Much, much later. And don’t forget to thank Teal’c for saving your life.”

“I won’t.”

She left, wondering what on earth she’d gotten herself into now. McKay as a friend? It didn’t seem likely somehow. But she had a feeling he’d opened up to her more than he had to anyone else for a long time, if ever. And every one needed a friend, even an obnoxious Canadian astrophysicist.

Maybe she’d be lucky, and he’d find a friend or two down in Antarctica. She smiled when she thought of Elizabeth Weir. McKay had no idea what he was heading into. That was one woman who was every bit a match for him. If anyone was capable of taming the beast named McKay, Dr Weir would be able to, even if it might take all of her diplomatic skills.

And maybe Sam could help, so long as it was from a distance. A long, long distance.

The End

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