Carson Beckett: The Galactic Doc
By Leesa's Bloke

Apologies to T. S. Eliot

For the original poem Click Here

There’s a bellow down the line at 11.39
When the Daedalus is ready to depart
Saying “Carson, where is Carson is he reading ‘Gary Larson’?
We must find him or the plane can’t start.”
All the guards and all the techies have all gone out on reccies
They are searching high and low,
Saying “Carson, where is Carson, for unless he’s very near son
Then the Daedalus just can’t go.”
It’s 11.42 and the launch is almost due
But the crew are all calm, except McKay--
Then Carson will appear, and he’ll saunter to the rear
He’s been busy in the Jumper Bay!
He’ll give a wink of his grey blue eye
     And the signal blinks its ray
Then we’re off at last for a distant land
     Atlantis, not Milky Way!

You may say that, by and large, it is Carson who’s in charge
Of the Pegasus Express.
From Elizabeth C Weir to the Fuel man at the rear
He will medicate them all – more or less.
Down the corridor he paces and examines all the faces
Of the travellers in galactic space;
He establishes control of body, mind and soul
And knows at once if anyone’s a case.
He will watch you without blinking and knows what you are thinking
And it’s certain that he doesn’t approve
Of overwork or disquiet, so eat a balanced diet
When Carson is about and on the move.
In straitjacket, with C. Beckett
     He’s a Doc who cannot be ignored
So nothing goes wrong on the Pegasus trail
     With Carson Beckett aboard
Oh, it’s slightly squalid when you find your little dorm
With seventeen names upon the door
And the bed is not that neat with a rather crumpled sheet
And you threw your socks upon the floor.
There is just one type of light – it’s neither dim nor bright
And the door swings back and forward in the breeze
There’s a funny little basin you’re supposed to do your poos in
And the chamber echoes loudly if you sneeze
Then Weir looks in politely and will tell you very brightly
“I want you all in bed by half past eight”
But Carson’s right beside her, and was ready to remind her
For Carson won’t let any stay up late
And when you climb into your narrow bunk
     And plump the pillow in vain
You are bound to think that it’s not nice
To know what Sheppard said about the mice
They have all escaped from the lab of the Doc
     The Doc of the Pegasus Plane.

In the middle of the night he’s impeccably polite;
Every now and then he has a case to see
 - Maybe Laura in Rodney’s head, or perhaps he thinks he’s dead -
Only stopping now and then to watch TV.
You were sleeping with the crew and so you never knew
He was giving Major Lorne a vaccination
You were sleeping all the while he was working with a smile
As he welcomes Laura Cadman with flirtation
But you saw him passing Hoff, where he treated Radek’s cough
And told him it’s nothing to worry about
And when you land upon the sphere you know is called Lantea
There Carson will tell you to get out!
He tells you behave in a long email
     But says: “I’ll see you again!”
You’ll meet without fail on the Atlantis trail
     The Doc of the Pegasus Plane.


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