Word Count:
770
Rating: PG.
Category: Angst.
Story Status: Complete.
Summary: Set Season One, Rodney's POV. Thoughts on
friendship.
Beta:
Thank you to Jayne Perry for the beta-reading.
To Be a Friend
By Leesa Perrie
What was that phrase again? Oh yes, to have a friend, first
you
must be a friend. Or something like that, anyway.
His
grandmother used to tell him that, whenever he was visiting
her.
She worried about him. About his lack of friends.
But she
never really got it, why he was so alone. Why childhood
friendships never lasted long. Why, as he got older, he
became
isolated. The ones the bullies went after and the other kids
teased or ignored. To have a friend you need to be a
friend. That’s what she had told him.
Thinking that
that was enough. That all he had to do was try
harder. But
she didn’t get it. How can you be a friend, when
you’ve never had a friend? I mean, a real
friend. Not
just a passing acquaintance. How can you be a friend when you
don’t know how, because no one has ever shown you?
He knew how to be the one everyone disliked. He knew how to
be
the one everyone avoided. To be the one who only made passing
acquaintances. If that, even. When you learnt at a
young
age that so called friends turned on you. Used you and then
discarded you. When even your own parents hated
you. And
your sister… well, he didn’t know how to be a
friend, and
he certainly didn’t know how to be a brother, it seemed.
So he spent his life wandering from place to place. Taking
pride
in his work. Because there was precious little else in his
life. Getting a cat had been an act of
desperation.
Someone to come home to. Someone to love him.
Conditional
love, he knew, but that was okay with him. Feed the cat, care
for
the cat, and the cat would love him. Simple.
Uncomplicated.
He had ended up abandoning the cat in the end. But that was
okay,
the cat was okay, so long as she was fed and cared for. She
probably loved his neighbour as much as she had loved him.
Probably had forgotten his existence, just like everyone else did, or
wished they did.
He told himself he didn’t need friends.
Didn’t need
to be liked. That being hated was easier. That at
least
people were honest about their feelings if they disliked you.
Hatred was hard to hide, and liking him was a sign of
duplicity.
Warning him away from that person.
He had let a few in over the years, though. People who had
found
a way past his barriers. And he had been burned.
Again and
again. Betrayed, or left behind when they were fed up with
trying
to be a friend to someone who didn’t know how to be a friend
back.
He was wary in Antarctica. Small base, few people.
That was
where the danger lay. Where, sometimes, people would try to
befriend him. But, like in Russia, it never worked out in
these
places, and it wouldn’t work out in Antarctica
either. And,
when he moved on, he was never missed. Well, his intellect
was,
but he, himself? He was never missed.
So when Dr Weir tried to see past his barriers, he was ready to push
her away. When Dr Beckett reached out the hand of friendship,
he
pulled back. He was wary of their intentions, wary of letting
them close. Knowing that the pressure would be worse when
they
reached Atlantis. That he would have to be even more careful,
more vigilant. More alone.
And then an irritating fly boy Major trampled his Air Force issued
boots right through his barriers. Not noticing them, or not
caring. He didn’t know which. Sheppard
was a force
that pulled people to him. McKay was not immune.
And with
his barriers weakened, he found himself falling into friendship with
others. Elizabeth, Carson, Teyla… They
entered into
friendship with him, and wanted nothing in return. Except his
friendship. And even in that, they were willing to make
allowances. Were willing to teach him.
He still didn’t know how to be a friend.
He was sure
he was making mistakes, big mistakes. But they…
they
weren’t like all the others. They
wouldn’t abandon
him, give up because he was too much work, too much effort to get to
know.
Acceptance. They accepted him, faults and all.
To have a friend first you need to be a friend. And be
willing to
teach your friend about friendship itself, so that he can return the
favour, and be a friend to you, and to others.
His grandmother hadn’t been wrong, she just hadn’t
known it all.
The End