By Leesa Perrie


(Second season – pre-Inferno at least)


“Major Lorne,” Elizabeth said, pointing to the chair on the other side of her desk. “Have a seat.”


“Yes, ma’am,” Lorne replied, sitting down.


“As you know, due to Colonel Sheppard’s unfortunate leg injury, whilst he has been released back to light duty, he had not been cleared for gate travel.  Dr Zelenka came across a reference in the database to the possible location of an Ancient outpost, and the possibility of a working ZPM.  After discussing the matter with Colonel Sheppard, we decided to ask you to take charge of his team, and go check it out.”  


“You want me to take Teyla, Ronon and Dr McKay to check out an Ancient outpost?”




“If I may ask, why me?” Lorne asked, keeping his face deadpan.


“Colonel Sheppard felt you would be the best man for the job.”


“Oh.  I was wondering what I had done to upset him…ma’am.” 


Elizabeth couldn’t help but smile at that.


“No, Major.  I truly believe he feels he can trust you with his team.”




“Don’t worry, Major, Sheppard has assured me that Ronon will follow your orders as if they were his own, as will Teyla.  And I’m sure they’ll help you keep Rodney in line.  I imagine the main problem you’ll have with him is trying to get him to leave if you find anything scientifically interesting.” She quirked of her eyebrow, and Lorne relaxed slightly.


“Permission to gag and hogtie him if necessary, ma’am,” he said with a quirk of his lips.


“I believe Colonel Sheppard will be able to suggest less drastic measures.  I hear he has developed quite a repertoire when dealing with Dr McKay, but hopefully none of them will be necessary,” Elizabeth replied with a small grin. “You’re scheduled to leave at 13:00 hours.  Colonel Sheppard would like to see you.  You’ll do fine, Major.”


“Thank you, ma’am.  Is that all?”


“Yes, that’s all.”


Major Lorne gave a salute and left to find the Colonel.




He found Colonel Sheppard in the small room he like to call his office.   Sheppard sat with his bad leg resting on another chair and his laptop balanced precariously on his lap.


“Come in, Major.  This should be a simple ‘go out there and find out what has got the scientists excited’ mission.  Go, take readings, and come back.  Basically, just an assessment mission.  Don’t hang around if you can help it and don’t let McKay get carried away.”


“Yes, sir.  Do you have any information on the planet or what we are looking for?”


“As far as we are able to ascertain the planet is uninhabited.  It’s your usual forest scenery with breathable atmosphere.  As for what you are looking for, anything that could be useful, especially a ZPM if there is one.  Though knowing the way things go there either won’t be one, or it will be depleted,” Sheppard shrugged.


“Yes, sir.  Any special orders?”


“Not really.  Just remember that you’re technically dealing with three civilians, though Ronon is military, and Teyla…”


“…can wipe the floor with your ass, sir,” Lorne interrupted, straight faced.


Sheppard grinned.


“Yeah.  McKay has experience in the field, but he’s no soldier, and if he finds a new ‘toy’, he tends to get engrossed in his work, so you’ll need to make sure someone is watching his back.  Try not to kill my geek, annoying though he can be I’d hate to have to train another geek to replace him, or put you up on charges.” Sheppard smiled.  “Save me the paperwork and hassle, please.”


“I’ll try, sir,” Lorne returned dryly.


“Look,” Sheppard turned serious.  “I know McKay can moan, complain and get riled up over seemingly little things, but when the chips are down, he’s loyal, determined, and has saved our collective asses more times than I can count.”


“I’m beginning to see that, sir.  I’ll bring him home safe, and the rest of your team as well.”


“Good.  Now get out of here.  McKay’s due in a few minutes and you don’t really want to be around when I tell him who’s in charge of the mission, do you?”


“No, sir, I think I’ll leave that to you,” Lorne said.




(lots of scenes needed here!!)




“Care to hurry it up, Doc?”


Rodney glared at Major Lorne.


“First of all, I’m going as fast as I can, and second of all, not even Sheppard gets away with calling me ‘Doc’, so what makes you think you can, hmm?  It’s either McKay or Rodney, or even better, Dr McKay.  Not ‘Doc.”


“If you insist…Doc.”


Rodney gave a exasperated sigh, throwing an annoyed glare his way again, before returning to his work.


“Why the hell Sheppard chose you to lead this mission, I don’t know.”


“He said he didn’t trust anyone else with his team,” Lorne said, “Personally, I’m trying to work out what I did to piss him and Dr Weir off lately.”


“Hmm.  More like he’s trying to punish me.”  Rodney said quietly, and then grinned wryly. “Or he’s hoping that I’ll appreciate his sorry ass in future more.”


There was a spark from the wall panel McKay was working on.


“Ow, ow, damn it!” McKay pulled his hand out, shaking it.  “Shit!”


“You hurt?”  Lorne approached the scientist.


Yes, I’m hurt.  How astute of you to notice,” McKay said sarcastically.


Major Lorne knelt next to McKay, and the scientist reluctantly let him look at his hand. 


“Ouch,” Lorne said, looking at the burning covering most of the hand. “That’s gotta hurt.”


“Yes, it does.  Hurts like a bitch in fact.  And it’s going to make working on getting us out of here difficult.”


Lorne had reached for his canteen, and started to pour water over McKay’s right hand.


“Ow, ow, ow, shit.” McKay tried to move his hand away, but Lorne kept a strong hold on his wrist.  “Damn it, that hurts.”


“You’ve had worse.”


“Oh, yes, very sympathetic.” McKay snapped, as Lorne poured a second canteen over the hand.  “Try not to use up all our water.  It’s not like there is a supply in here.”


“You’ll get us out before we die of dehydration.”


“Oh, now you have confidence in my skills?  That’s…just great.  Just great.”