The Cracked Villain Manifesto for
John Sheppard
by Leesa Perrie
Disclaimer: This is pure and utter
crack - not to be taken at all seriously!! Please, please don't hunt me
down, Sheppard fans! (Or else I shall have to set Rodney on to you -
and if you don't think he's much of a threat, this is the guy who built
a model of a nuclear bomb for his sixth grade science fair! Just
imagine what he can do now!!!) Besides, it was all Jayne Perry's fault, seeing as she gave me the idea -
the fact that I then ran with it is not my fault. Not. At. All. *bg*
Proof of John's evil intentions
One: John Sheppard killed his
commanding officer in cold blood. This is clearly evil and part of his
bigger plan to bring about the downfall of the Atlantis Expedition.
Just because Colonel Sumner was being fed on at the time by a Wraith
was merely a convenient excuse. John had planned from the start to take
over. John is clearly an evil genius hiding inside a 'easy going'
facade! Look! Cold blooded killer John!! It's obvious to everyone with
half a brain - isn't it? *looks at reader with raised eyebrow,
expecting agreement from those intelligent enough to do so*
Two: And in the very next episode,
he is trying to kill the Head of Science! He even admits to having shot
Rodney in the leg earlier!! It's a good thing Rodney found that shield,
or else he would be dead! I'm sure evil John will try again, though!!
Three: Now it's Elizabeth's turn! Oh
sure, I'm certain John will claim it was because he was turning into a
bug, and then point to the fact that he didn't actually kill her - but the
truth is, he was about to finish her off when his bug instincts
insisted he find a cool dark place to hang out for awhile!
Four: Here he is, shooting
Ronon! Of
course, removing the ex-runner is all part of his dastardly plan.
Obviously, Ronon is a threat, being all big and manly and good!
Besides, he knows that Ronon has made a will leaving him the blaster. A
bad mistake, Ronon. A very bad one!!
Five: And here we have John
recruiting Mitchell to his cause by giving him a lemon for Rodney. We
can only give a sigh of relief that Cam didn't realise what John wanted
him to do - or maybe he didn't want to go through with it with Sam as a
witness? But having seen this, I suggest that SG1 fans recheck Mitchell
episodes to look for his hidden evilness too. Maybe they have both been
in league from the start!
Six: Poor Carson. Minding his own
business in the infirmary and along comes John and stuns him and
kidnaps him! He even hits him too!! Okay, so he claims that Carson and
everyone else on Atlantis were under the influence of Lucius and his
drug, but we all know that Carson was lucky the others came to his
rescue. Removing the Head of Medicine would have been a big boon to
John's plan!!
Seven: Poor Rodney! Having failed to
kill him by shooting him the leg and throwing him off a balcony, and
having failed to get Cam to kill him with a lemon, John now shoots
Rodney before Teyla can stop him!! Mission completed!! Except,
fortunately, Rodney survives! Now I'm sure John will put it all down to
that Wraith machine, but we all know he has been gunning to Rodney for
some time now and that's it's only luck that has saved Rodney so far!!
Eight: And finally, here it is, the
conclusive proof of John's evilness! Here he is, not only collaborating
with the enemy, but welcoming him into Atlantis itself!!
I rest my case, and only hope that others see John for what he is - a
villain of the worst possible kind!!!