Word Count: 656
Rating: PG.
Category: Humour. Friendship.
Story Status: Complete
Summary: Set sometime in Season 3 or early Season 4.  Rodney's POV about Ronon's annoying off world habit.

Beta: Thank you to Jayne Perry for the beta-reading.

Ronon’s Raids
By Leesa Perrie

The main problem, as far as Rodney was concerned, with Ronon not wearing an Atlantis uniform or tac vest off world was the lack of storage; not having much in the way of pockets.  Where Ronon kept his hidden knives, Rodney still didn’t entirely know, and wasn’t sure he wanted to either.

So, a lack of pockets meant a lack of storage which meant, for some inexplicable reason, the need to raid the back packs and/or tac vests of his team-mates for food.  Well, one team-mate in particular.  Him, Rodney McKay, genius scientist and, apparently, a walking, talking food store.

He wouldn’t mind it quite so much if Ronon did it to the others too, but no, it was always Rodney’s pack or vest that was raided.  Usually when he wasn’t looking, having put said pack or vest down for some reason or other. 

Not always though.  Ronon wasn’t adverse to slipping a hand into Rodney’s back pack while he was still wearing it…though fortunately Ronon hadn’t resorted to patting down Rodney’s tac vest as well while he was wearing it; that would have been extremely disconcerting and uncomfortable – personal space and all that.

And what was Ronon’s response to his complaints?  A smile at the most, as the caveman tucked into whatever delight he’d managed to steal.

His team-mates were no help whatsoever, finding it amusing.

Right, when he collapsed from hypoglycaemia because all his food was gone, they wouldn’t find it so amusing then, now would they?

Not that he ever had.  Collapsed, that is.  Sheppard or Teyla always seemed to have spare food on them… Hmm, now that he thought about it, they only ever seemed to have extra food on them when Ronon was off world as well.  The few times it had been just himself and Sheppard, or Teyla, they never seemed to carry more than they themselves needed.

Great.  They were pandering to Ronon’s amusement. 

So now, he was Rodney McKay, genius scientist, walking, talking food store and team entertainment.

Of course, the fact that he had started to carry more food himself when Ronon was off world with him had nothing to do with feeding the behemoth, and everything to do with making sure he didn’t run out.

Of course it was.

His ruminations were interrupted by a less than stealthy – and he knew for a fact that Ronon could be a lot more stealthy if he wanted to – hand reaching into the pack on his back.

“Hey,” he said indignantly, pulling away from his thieving team-mate, to see said team-mate with a PowerBar already unwrapped and with a bite taken out of it.  Damn, he was quick.  “Oh, that’s great.  Just take my food, why don’t you?”

“Thanks, I will.”  Ronon grinned.  Actually had the gall to grin at him.

“That’s not what I meant, you overgrown Ewok!  I’m the one with the medical condition…”

“We’ll be back at the gate within an hour, McKay, I’m sure you’ll be fine until then,” Sheppard interrupted, not hiding the grin on his face.

“That’s not the point!  What if we run into trouble or get kidnapped or…”

“Would you like one of my PowerBars?” Teyla asked serenely.

“What?  No, no, not right now.  But if we get delayed I will.  Nice to know at least someone is concerned about my well being,” he huffed in agitation.

“You’ll be fine,” Ronon said around another mouthful.

“And you should carry your own food,” he grumped, before falling into silence once more, concentrating on not stumbling over rocks or into potholes on this poor excuse for a road.


And it seemed, he thought to himself wryly, that he was Rodney McKay, genius scientist, walking, talking food store, team entertainment…and total fraud.  He didn’t really mind Ronon’s off world raids that much any more.  In a way it was almost comforting, familiar...like family. 

Not that he was ever going to admit it, of course.

The End

Author's Notes:

In April in the comment section on Joe Mallozzi’s blog, o6untouchable asked a few Ronon related questions. The one below is what sparked the above ficlet:

“Ronon looks awesome when he goes off world, but I can’t help but notice the absence of pockets. He doesn’t wear a Tac Vest either; does he have to raid Rodney’s uniform for snacks while off world, or does he have some concealed storage?”

I hope that if o6untouchable reads this, he/she will be proud to have given me the idea …but somehow I doubt it.  More like embarrassed, I suspect! * grins sheepishly* Sorry 06untouchable!!

Also, I asked by beta, Jayne Perry, for an animal/creature for the ‘overgrown’ insult as I couldn’t think of a one that felt right for Rodney to use…and she brilliantly suggested ‘overgrown Ewok’!  Love ya, Jayne, that’s just so perfect!

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